running up that hill ;;open

[gabriella sofia davies]

help, i have done it again
i have been here many times before

Four weeks, two days and six hours had passed since The Kidnapping and Gabby was still having trouble sleeping. Rolling over onto her side, the sixth year impatiently pushed and kicked her way out from beneath her duvet and swung her legs over the side of the bed so that she was sat up. Dragging a hand across her face, Gabby rubbed her fingers into her tired eyes and groaned quietly to herself. This had to stop. Gabby wasn’t sure how much longer she could go on without sleep. Even the sleeping draughts she’d made weren’t any good. Sure they helped her sleep but they couldn’t stop the nightmares. Every time she used the draught she’d wake up the next morning in a pool of her sweat either screaming or crying. She hated it.

Gabby had never wanted to be a victim after everything that had happened. She had wanted to be strong, to go on with her life as normal. She didn’t want the kidnapping and everything she had gone through to define her, to change her. Except it had.. She jumped every time someone snuck up on her. She panicked whenever she ended up in tight spaces and always made excuses to her friends about why she never really left the common room much anymore. She was afraid and still broken and she couldn’t stand it. And there was no one she could turn to. Not unless she wanted to come across weak and fragile and pathetic. She’d considered going to Ari but her sister had disappeared to Africa of all places and Gabby still couldn’t understand why.

Slipping from her bed, she moved to where her dressing gown and slippers were placed and quickly threw them on. She needed to get out of her dorm, out of the common rooms she’d pretty much been cooped up in for the last month. She needed to relax, to clear her head and she knew the perfect place. Grabbing her bathing suit before she left, Gabby left the Ravenclaw commons, heading down to the prefects bathroom.

Tiptoeing down the corridors in her pyjamas, Gabby walked along the stone walls in silence, her wand gripped in her right hand. This was the tenth night in the last two weeks alone that she’d crept out of her dorm. Sneaking out wasn’t something she would have done a couple of months ago but if getting out of her dorm and the bed she constantly tossed and turned in, unable to sleep, meant she had to break the rules and risk getting into trouble then so be it. Anyway, it wasn’t like she'd be the only student sneaking around tonight. It was a Friday night which meant that there would be a lot of students sneaking out to party and whatever else it was they did. Knowing that there were other students doing much worse than she was right now, made Gabby feel much more comfortable with sneaking around past midnight and a lot less guilty.

Arriving at the portrait that led to the prefects bathroom, Gabby mumbled the correct password, ignoring the disapproving look the woman in the painting was giving her, and hurried through to the large room. A quiet sigh of relief passed her lips when she noticed that the room was empty, she wanted to relax and having to deal with someone like Alfie Chase was not an appealing idea. Moving over to the large tub, Gabby fiddled with the taps and nozzles, taking a small step back when water began to fill the bath.

When bubbles began to appear in the bath, she headed over to a stall so that she could change into her bathing suit. The first time Gabby had used the prefects bathroom she’d made the mistake of thinking that no one else could enter whilst it was occupied and so she’d been walked in on, naked and covered in bubbles. Luckily it had been a female who had squeaked and bolted from the bathroom before anything could have been seen. It had been an embarrassing experience and Gabby still blushed whenever she saw the other girl around school.

Tying her hair up into a high, messy bun, Gabby left the cubicle, towl in hand, and headed towards the bath. She turned off the taps, placed her blue towel down to the side and carefully slipped into the water. Her eyes drooped down to close the moment her body was immersed in the water. The water was always the perfect temperature, it soothing and relaxing, enough to calm her hectic thoughts. It was if the water was washing away the dark stain of the kidnapping from her mind. It was heaven.

notes;; gabby<3
tags;; open
words;; don't knooow
lyrics;; breathe me - Sia

[gee2]

i just need some time to breathe
i just need some time to think
i just need some time to work it all out tonight

"It's okay, Emerson. It'll feel good, I promise you it'll feel good...don't you want to feel good, Emerson?" The nightmares always started off the same. It was just that face, that horrible, vile, familiar face. It leaned in close to him, but then it was behind him. That familiar stinking breath, hot on his ear as the face leaned in again, the face's chin just barely touching Emery's shoulder. And then there were hands, grabbing, touching. They held his shirt, they helped him get it off...or forced it off, because this is where the dreams differed. Sometimes he sat, silent, and bit his lip and just let it happen. Other times he fought, tried to rip away from those familiar hands and that familiar face with it's familiar breath. But it always ended the same, he never won.

Sometimes he was eight years old again. Other times he was sixteen, just like now. It was this body that was being touched, grabbed inappropriately. This one, still too small, too short, too skinny. It didn't make much difference, he hadn't grown much. The differences lie in small things. Such as his hair, he had so much more of it now. Or his cheeks, more angular than childishly chubby. Or even his nose ring, right nostril, there since he was fourteen. Tonight's nightmare was one of those, sixteen year old Emery, but his attacker hadn't changed at all. And just as Emery was starting to cry, being leaned over his desk...his eyes snapped open, and he gasped, startled at the sudden darkness around him. He was curled up underneath his duvet, arms wrapped tightly around himself, silent tears on his cheeks.

Shit. Had he made any noises in his sleep?

Emery stayed silent, listening for the beds around him to give him any signs. They didn't. All he heard was the gentle snoring of his peers. He closed his eyes, but quickly opened them again when all he could see was that horrible, ugly face. For a few minutes he simply lay there, noiselessly wiping at his cheeks with one of his sleeves, drying them, sniffing softly until he felt...not better, but felt as if he could pretend to be better, were anyone to have noticed him. They didn't, though, and almost silently he reached under his pillow and pulled out something small, pocketing it before getting out of bed and padding across the room, barefoot. Barefoot was best...it was the quietest he could be. He'd mastered walking toe and then heel, much like an animal stalking it's prey...or avoiding it's predator.

He left the dorms, and exited out of the Slytherin Common Room. His eyes flicked one way and then the next, and then he was walking swiftly, still barefoot, still quiet as he could possibly be. And then he was in front of the Prefect bathrooms, whispering the password to a distraught-looking portrait. She was always disgruntled when he made his way to this place...he wasn't exactly a Prefect. Just one hell of a good spy. And someone that liked his privacy. He wasn't even all the way in the bathroom before he'd pulled that small item out of his pocket, flicking the pocketknife open while simultaneously starting to roll up his sleeve. He just needed some quick peace of mind, that was all...and already he could see one healing cut, two, three as he rolled up his sleeve.

He couldn't remember the first time he'd done it...though to be honest, he had been doing it longer than he'd been conscious of it. It had started with his lip biting, which now was just a bad habit. Back then, he'd done it when he needed to focus, when everything in his head was foggy and he just needed to cut through it. He'd bite his lip, hard, until it bled. It wasn't too difficult to explain to people when that happened. Oh, oops, I tripped and bit my lip. Or something like that. Then it had been his nails, raking them harshly down his arms or across his back, leaving deep scratch marks, scratching until the skin bled. It had just...helped. And then he'd started using sharper objects. It was faster, somewhat cleaner in a way, easier to hide with some long sleeves and a goofy smile. And he just needed one...maybe two...to clear the fog in his head tonight, to make him sleep. He bit his lip gently as he rolled up his sleeve some more...

But suddenly he froze.

Something wasn't right. Perhaps it was the smell in the air, the soft sound of moving water. Emery turned quickly, and then spun around again, dropping his pocketknife to the ground as his pale cheeks turned bright red. Crap, crap, crap...no, she hadn't seen anything, she couldn't have. Time to play it off. "What the hell are you doing in here? It's late. Students are supposed to be in bed." It was the first thing that came to mind, as he quickly shoved his sleeve back down, letting it fall halfway over his entire hand. The blush left his cheeks slowly as he turned around again, placing his hands on jutting hipbones, scowling at the girl. Of course, he failed to realize that not only was he also out of bed, he was in the Prefect's bathroom...which he really had no right to be in.

notes;; hiya. hope you don't mind me jumping in. :D
tags;; you thur
words;; i haven't the slightest idea.
wearing;; this