you were alive;; summer

[erinn lacey thomas]

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WELL, IT TAKES ALL OF MY STRENGTH TO BE STABLE.



AND AS YOU PASSED BY, I BEGAN TO CRY.
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It was no secret that Erinn hadn't been herself for quite some time, but with the recent happenings with Frankie, she had completely lost it. After walking away from the hospital wing that first day, Erinn had turned her back on what was happening and completely blocked it from her mind. Pretending that none of it happened was easier than accepting the fact that everything was going downhill with her family. Perhaps not everything, but Erinn had always had the tendency to overreact to things and blow everything out of proportion. However, while usually that resulted in her just blowing up and getting angry with people, this had been different. Erinn was just going on with life as if nothing had happened and that was a clear sign that things were much worse than the usual Erinn drama. It wasn't just another episode in her crazy, overdramatic life. She was seriously hurting. That was the last thing that Erinn was ever going to admit, though, so she ignored it.

In her mind, as long as she acted like nothing was wrong, than eventually people would have to start believing that she was just fine. If she could ever believe it herself, that is. Erinn knew what she was doing. She knew that she was just lying to herself to try and make things okay and she knew that it wouldn't help worth a damn, but that wasn't going to stop her from trying. She had spend the better part of the week out busying herself by decorating the old abandoned fort in the woods near Hogsmeade and it had proven to be a fairly good distraction for her. At the very least, she had been able to keep herself working enough so that she didn't have time to break down and cry or any of that. People probably thought she was crazy, but she didn't care. Besides, she probably was a bit crazy. Now that the fort was entirely decorated, though, Erinn didn't know what she was going to do. She knew that if she stopped being busy that she wouldn't be able to handle everything going on, so she needed another distraction.

With nothing to do related to school, since Erinn had pretty much completely given up on that for at least the next few weeks, Erinn set about to find herself something else to do. She had yet to be back in the Gryffindor tower since the drama with Frankie had first began, so it was a bit weird for her to be back. Walking up to the room that she shared with the other fifth year girls, a rather solemn look appeared on her face. It was the same as always and looked like absolutely nothing had changed. It was a lie. Everything was changing and Erinn hated it. Sometimes she just wished that everything that had happened that year could just be redone, but even with all the bad things going on, she at least knew that something good had come of the year- Nika. Though she may not have shown it much, Nika was kind of the one thing holding her together throughout it all.

Tossing the bag that she had basically been living out of for the last few days onto her bed, Erinn crawled up onto her bed for the first time in quite awhile. Even before she had gone crazy, she had been spending the majority of her time either with Nika in Bulgaria or something at the club. Knowing that the odds of her falling asleep without Nika there were slim, Erinn sat up with her back against the headboard, dragging her guitar up from under her bed in the process of moving. Even if it may not have been the best distraction, she was usually comforted by playing music. Strumming at the guitar, Erinn had no particular melody in mind and was just playing to play. It was calming, even if it didn't distract her mind from much and that was better than nothing at the moment for the young girl.

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tagged;; summer
words;; 681
notes;; erinn makes me sad and i love her anyways
lyrics;; bleed- anna nalick
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[abby]

yes, how many times must a man turn his head
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pretending that he doesn't see.

Oh reality was a harsh thing. So much had happened in the last few weeks, even Summer ignored her duties as a student. The girl was full of worry. Not only had Frankie changed, but so did Erinn. Sure, if you looked at her twin, you’d think nothing was wrong. But everything was wrong, and she knew it. Summer hadn’t seen the girl in quite a few days and it was making herself go insane. She was so close to her sister, but lately she acted like she never existed. Summer would come form quidditch practice only to find the dorm empty. She’d go do her things and when she came back to bed, Erinn was still missing. If Summer didn’t see her hanging around Hogsmead, well then Summer wouldn’t know what to do. The girl was just at a loss between her sisters, the two closest things she had to herself, and both seemed to vanish from under her. Maybe Summer was being a bit selfish, but she didn’t care, she only wanted to have both her sisters back. The brunette took her time today coming from practice. All her time went into it, she didn’t want to do anything else other than work herself to the bone, eat and then pass out ready to repeat it the next day.

It was her way of coping. She’d work herself so she didn’t have to cry since passing out usually followed. But she always woke up in the middle of the night and hide in the bathroom for nearly an hour. Her dreams were filled with nothing but nightmares. Except it didn’t stop her from going back to sleep and then waking up to continue to do things. Summer was handling it, she even talked to Felix about it. He was as much of a mess as everyone else. It was heartbreaking to see everyone just losing it in a matter of a week. But she was able to talk to someone about it and sort through a few things. If it weren’t for her team, man Summer would be helpless, she needed them more than ever and it showed. But for Frankie and Erinn, it seemed they didn’t know how to cope with things. Each one became distant and lonely. Frankie closed up and really gave no care to anything or anyone. Erinn, just avoided everyone all the time, and scary thing was, Erinn was not causing any drama. But Summer didn’t know how to approach either of them.

The girl wiped the sweat from her brow and began to play with her gear trying to take them off. They were sort of making her feel clastiphobic. Summer was supposed to change in the locker rooms, but she knew changing in her dorm the elves would clean everything up and have it back in its rightful place. Summer just saw Erinn enter the castle. It was what drove her to finish early. She was in the sky looking for snitch when she saw the familiar person go through the doors. Summer just hoped she hadn’t left too quickly. Summer hesitated outside of the portrait before finally saying the password. She even waited some more before entering the dorms. She dropped what gear she got off by the door and stared at where her sister sat.

Erinn was there on her bed, playing her guitar, but Summer noticed the pain on her face. “Rinny?” she finally called out to her after some time just listening to her sister play. If it had been any other time, Summer would have jumped in with some clever and silly lyrics. But it was time to make Erinn face reality.

[erinn lacey thomas]

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WELL, IT TAKES ALL OF MY STRENGTH TO BE STABLE.



AND AS YOU PASSED BY, I BEGAN TO CRY.
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Sitting there on her bed was a lot more comfortable than falling asleep on the couches in the club and she sincerely wished that she could fall asleep. It was hard sleeping lately for Erinn and when she was on her own, it only came after long periods of time spent lying around and even then it was only a very strained sleep. She was restless and unable to sleep soundly without Nika there holding her. However, she didn't want to tell the girl that. It would have made her life a whole lot easier, but she certainly didn't want to grow to be a burden on the other girl. So, she slept when she could be with her and just dealt with it the rest of the time. It was a wonder that she was able to function at all with how little sleep she was getting, but it wasn't like there was much for her to do. She wasn't back to classes yet, so she really just sat around and busied herself with what she could.

Continuing with her soft strumming, Erinn began to hum to herself as the random notes started to coalesce into a song. It was a mournful tune, quite fitting to the state of things at the moment and her light humming was able to take her mind off of it, at least for a little while. Her mind quickly became entranced with what she was doing, pushing out any other thoughts and focusing solely on the music playing throughout the room now. It was that utter distraction that made it easy enough for her to be completely unaware when her twin entered into the room. They probably could have sat there all day and Erinn wouldn't have noticed in the least that someone else was there with her. Usually she was quite attentive to the world around her, so it was just another subtle showing of just how much pain she was really in. Other people might not have picked up on it, but there was little chance that she would be able to fool her twin into believing that she was fine.

Hearing the voice of her other half, Erinn's hands instantly froze up and her low singing fell. It had been, admittedly, a really long time since she'd had a genuine conversation with Summer. Erinn didn't deal well with confrontation, especially with her family, so with the first drama with Nika and then with Frankie, she had kind of just stopped talking to her twin. It hadn't been all too easy, since they were closer than just about anything ever. They had always done everything together and not having her there was hard. However, it seemed easier than having any of the serious talks that they were due for. Really, Erinn had no idea how her sister was doing throughout everything that had happened, nor did she know how the other girl felt about her current relationship. Coming out to Frankie had been hard, but coming out to her own twin was a hell of a lot more difficult.

Shifting her guitar off her lap and back to the floor, Erinn moved around a bit before replying. "Rikky, come cuddle," she said, motioning the other girl over with a quick bob of her head. She was quite possibly the only person that could get away with calling Summer anything other than Summer, just like Summer was the only one that could get away with calling her Rinny. She scooted over so that there was plenty of room for the other girl to come hop up there with her. Even if she didn't really want to talk about anything serious, she needed her twin. Just having her there to rest her head on and hug would be more comforting than just about anything else could be. "I miss you," she added in a soft whisper, her head falling down slightly as she spoke. It was entirely her fault that they hadn't been as close as they usually were and she knew that.

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tagged;; summer
words;; 680
notes;; <3333
lyrics;; bleed- anna nalick
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[abby]

yes, how many times must a man turn his head
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pretending that he doesn't see.

Summer watched her sister’s reaction. It was like looking in to a mirror, except the reflection acted differently from her. She knew her sister, Erika was not looking forward to this, but Summer had to, it seemed like Summer was the only one who could really get her to talk and actually get over things. Well Summer liked to think of it that way, it made things easier. Erinn always was bad with emotions, Summer was the one who could handle things, she wrote everything down and had no problem with talking to people, like Felix, and she even wrote to her parents, that was a bonus for her. It was why she was able to get on with things, well most things. She was still having trouble with her classes. To think about it, she was going to need to get a Ravenclaw. She mentally shook her head to get back onto what was going on. Summer smiled at Erike, it was an actual smile too, not the one she had been faking for awhile, she really was missing her sister really badly. Summer made sure she didn’t have the rest of her gear on before she walked over to the bed.

“I’m all gross and sweaty though.” She told her sister knowing it didn’t matter at this moment. Summer curled a strand of hair behind her ear before she crawled onto the bed and sat next to her sister. She wanted to know everything that was going on in her head. Erinn’s face potrayed so much that only Summer could see. But she was glad she was calling her Rikky, if it was something else, she would have been really worried. Summer wrapped her arms around her sister and pulled her in close to her. “I miss you too Rinny.” She nodded holding her sister. Erika kept herself from tearing up, for Erinn’s sake she needed to stay strong, this was a moment for her twin, it was about her. “Rinny where have you been, you’ve gotten me worried sick!” she told her sister keeping her voice soft and calm. She didn’t want to upset her sister anymore, Erinn was going through so much, Erika could only imagine, first her relationship and then Frankie, who she was also close to, it must have just an emotional time bomb ready to be set and then blown up. Summer held her sister.

The twins sat there in a few minutes before Summer finally released some pressure on the hug. “How’s Nika?” Summer finally asked. The girl actually had no problem with Erinn and Nika, she was actually happy Erinn found someone, she didn’t really care who it was as long as Rinn was treated right and was happy. She stroke her sisters hair. She didn’t really know the girl to be honest. She had seen her around a lot but she was sort of waiting for Erinn to introduce them. But it hadn’t been easy to set up something lately, just too much going on. Erika kept running her hand through her sister’s hair while she waited for her to talk. “You’ve got to introduce me to her, I’ve been dying to meet the girl.” She said in all honest to her sister. Erika needed to get her sister to talk about something other than Frankie before they start on that topic, it was going to be a long process, but Summer was hoping she’d get her sister back from it. Summer let her blue eyes go over to the end of the bed and just stared at it.

[erinn lacey thomas]

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WELL, IT TAKES ALL OF MY STRENGTH TO BE STABLE.



AND AS YOU PASSED BY, I BEGAN TO CRY.
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It didn't make a difference to Erinn that Summer was kind of nasty from Quidditch practice. She wrinkled her nose slightly, but otherwise made no comment about how sweaty the other girl was. Technically, Erinn should have been there too at practice, but it had been ages since she had actually bothered to show up to one of those. Being around Felix was too much for her. He was the one that had gotten Frankie pregnant, so she pretty much considered the whole thing his fault. If he hadn't been slutting around like he always did, than she wouldn't have had to get mad at Frankie for getting pregnant and life could have been normal. She'd continued to show up for awhile, but now it just seemed like too much, especially since the loss of the babies. Not that Erinn would show Felix any sort of sympathy for it, that is. Shifting over so that her head was resting on Summer's shoulder, Erinn's breathing slowed to a calmer pace and she seemed to be doing at least a bit better.

Where had Erinn been? That was definitely a good question and one that Erinn was hardly able to answer herself. "Bulgaria a lot. And uh, out in the old fort by Hogsmeade and...stuff," she shrugged, as if it were just a question, not loaded with a lot more behind it. The lighter that she could keep the conversation, the less she had to worry about it getting into things that she was less than eager to talk about. She knew that it was coming, since it had really only been a matter of time, but Erinn wasn't above postponing it as long as possible and making random conversation instead. "Guess I've just been busy," she added, as if that made it any better that she had more or less been avoiding her twin for quite some time. She was fully aware that she couldn't just continue to blame it all on everyone else and on the circumstances surrounding her. There was a lot of fault on herself as well, she just hated to admit it.

When Summer brought up the subject of Nika, Erinn wasn't sure how she felt about talking about her. On one hand, Nika was usually the easiest thing for Erinn lately, but than again, talking about it with her twin was a lot more difficult than talking about it with Lily or something. "She's okay," she answered. That was a pretty simple answer, so Erinn felt okay with answering that. However, she wasn't sure how eager she was to introduce the two of them. Yeah, she kind of wanted to know that her twin approved of her girlfriend, since that would take care of any awkwardness that she felt about it, but if Summer didn't like Nika, that would make it hard. Right now, things with Nika was easy and she really didn't want to complicate it. Perhaps she was worrying about it too much, but she felt that it was an acceptable concern to have. Nika and Summer were two people that meant more to her than anything, so it would kill her if they didn't get along.

Chewing on her bottom lip for a moment, Erinn nodded slightly in response. Nika and Summer would have to be introduced eventually, after all. "Uh, yeah, uhm. Maybe like...before the holidays or something," she suggested. Erinn wasn't sure what she would be doing for the break, but she was probably not going to spend it at home, since that would be way too depressing. Maybe she'd stay at the castle or go to Bulgaria. "I don't know though. She's got Quidditch and like...family and stuff," she added. Obviously she didn't want to inconvenience anyone with the meeting, or something. She was really just worried that Summer wouldn't like Nika. There wasn't really any reason not to, sort of. Nika was at least extremely nice to Erinn, even if she kind of wasn't to anyone else a lot of the time.

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tagged;; summer
words;; 676
notes;;
lyrics;; bleed- anna nalick
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