keep holding on;; megan

[hallie beatrix cauldwell]

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change,
And life will find a way.

Since she returned to Hogwarts after being at home for a month, Hallie was still trying to get into the swing of things. The headmaster had given her a couple of days off from classes, just so that she could adjust to life at Hogwarts. While she was grateful for the extra time, Hallie would rather just be at home; especially after what she experienced her first night back. Since being back at Hogwarts, the nightmares came more frequent then they did when she was home, but the images were less vivid. After the first night, she had learnt to put a silencing spell over her bed, as to not wake her roommates. As far as they knew, she slept soundly at night, but in reality, Hallie often stared at the top of her canopy, without getting an ounce of sleep.

Tonight was no exception, as the girl didn’t even attempt to fall asleep. She was too nervous about the next day, as it was her first day back to classes. Hallie honestly didn’t know what the kids in her classes would say; would they accuse her of running away, because she spent a month at home? Would they blame her for the kidnappings of Shiloh, Gabby, and Erinn? Would they ask her all the glory details? Would they even care? Hallie didn’t know, as she knew kids could be cruel, and as much as she was trying to have a positive outlook on life, she just couldn’t relive the night again and again. Sitting up in her bed, Hallie knew she still had a lot of unanswered questions floating in her head. Like Braden. Back in the cellar, Hallie promised herself that if she got out, she would apologize to him and try to make it right. Well, she’s been back for a week, and had made no attempt to even go see him. The day her parents dropped her off, Hallie caught a glimpse of him in the garden, and while she wasn’t upset about their breakup anymore, that just wasn’t the time to approach him.

Hallie threw off the covers, silently getting out of her bed, and slipped out of the room. There was no better time to apologize for her actions then now, and Hallie missed little Ripper terribly. Over the last month, not only did Hallie deal with the issues of that night, but she also thought over the romantic night she shared with Braden. At the time, Hallie thought her body had been invaded by an impurity, and she wished to remove herself the relationship. But after considering it in the cellar, and even the month after, Hallie realized that what she did was completely different from her sisters. She partook in sexual intercourse with someone she actually cared about, after several months of dating him. Perhaps she wasn’t ready, but that didn’t mean she wasn’t pure. To be honest, Hallie flipped out over nothing, and she had lost her boyfriend in the process.

Unsure of exactly how to approach him, each step Hallie took towards the dungeons became easier. When she visited the mirror of Erised a few night before, Hallie realized that she wanted to live a life free from disappointment and unhappiness. The only way to obtain her goal was to accept what she had done in any situation, and move on from it. It was always going to be easy, but she had to stop letting things get to her, and stop pretending that everything was going to perfect. Sometimes, things would be messed up, and that was okay. With a smile on her face, Hallie descended the last few steps, and found herself in the dungeons. However, upon reaching the hallway to get to her destination, Hallie turned to the right, travelling in the direction of the Slytherin common room.

Confused, Hallie wasn’t entirely sure why she decided to turn in the opposite direction of her final destination. In her mind, she had a vision of waking up Braden, Merlin knew that boy was sleeping, having a talk, and walking out as good friends. But instead, she was heading towards the girls’ dormitory, with an entirely different objective. While she was away, her mother was very adamant about Hallie not having any visitor, as it might hinder her recovery. And while Sydney didn’t follow directions, as she came to dinner a few times, Hallie’s other sisters stayed at Hogwarts, which meant she hadn’t seen Peyton since she rescued her and Megan since the charity ball. The brunette remembered some of the last conversations she held with her favorite sister, and was reminded that she was quite a bitch to Megan. The blonde was only trying to help the girl get over her break up with Braden, and Hallie managed to push her away.

A light frown tugging at the corners of Hallie’s lips, the girl climbed up the stairs to get to the girls’ room. She suddenly felt exhausted, as she realized that this whole moving on thing was going to be a lot tougher than she thought. While she was moving in the right direction, Hallie a lot of issues she had to sort out before she could put this entirely behind her. Shaking her head, she reminded herself that she needed to take one step at a time, and not become overwhelmed. Hallie silently tipped toed over to Megan’s bed, gently shaking the girl awake. She knew the blonde would probably be mad, but Hallie was on a mission. She was going to make things right. Megan? She whispered quietly, as to not wake the other girls. Megan. Are you awake?

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[megan lynn aldridge]

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Sleep, in the recent weeks, had been difficult to come by for Megan. Typically, she had no problems sleeping. After a long day, it was easy to just fall into a bed somewhere and just sleep the day away. But not lately. Lately, things had been different and Megan had no idea what it was keeping her up at night. It wasn't like all that much had really changed in her life, as far as she was willing to admit, so she found herself infinitely more restless than she was used to. A thing like that was terrible for someone like Megan, who was revitalized by sleep. Megan on a normal day was difficult to deal with, but throw in a lack of sleep and she could be a downright monster. Monster was an understatement to the mood she'd been in for the past few days and that was why, for the first time in quite some time she had simply decided to just stay the night in her own bed and not deal with other people.

Though, the majority of that decision stemmed from the fact that she had been on slightly uneasy terms with Peyton. Hallie's disappearance, though Megan would say otherwise, had affected her life quite a lot. Not having Hallie there took away one of the few people that she could actually talk to, even if they had been a bit rough as of late and Peyton most definitely wasn't taking it well. Megan, not wanting to get involved, had taken off to Tahiti when it happened and hadn't returned until after the ordeal had been sorted out. She figured it would be best to just not be there, since technically, as part of the Death Pack, she could be considered complicit in the event. At least, to a point. She'd heard smatterings, but she couldn't very well say that she knew exactly what was happening. But, she certainly could have done more to stop it and she rather doubted that Peyton would appreciate that. So, she left.

Another bad decision, perhaps, in a long strain of bad decisions. Though, Megan was quite notorious for her bad decisions, so it wasn't like anyone could really be surprised by such a thing. However, the more she had the pressing matter of Hallie's return weighing down on her, the more she came to question the decision herself, a thing that rarely happened. She hadn't made an effort to go visit Hallie in her recovery period and from what she had heard, the girl was coming back quite soon. Megan wasn't sure she wanted her too. On one hand, she missed Hallie. But, on the other, she felt partially responsible for what had happened and certainly didn't want to have to face Hallie with any feelings of guilt. Megan Aldridge didn't do guilt. But, she didn't want to just cut Hallie out and run the risk of alienating Peyton along with her. That would be too much.

Even though Megan wasn't to the point where she was going to admit anything at all about any sort of potential feelings that she may have had for Peyton, she was at least coming to terms with it to herself. Well, enough to know that she didn't want Peyton to leave. Which, given her previously feigned indifference, was a stark improvement. An improvement which was quite offset by the current state she was in. Odds were, bumming around the castle and snapping at anyone that thought it necessary to talk at her wasn't going to do her any good with any relationship she had. However, it was the best Megan could do without losing it. It had always been her way of dealing stress. She internalized the problems and simply lashed out at others with seemingly no rhyme or reason to her actions. But everyone knew the underlying causes...well, everyone but Megan herself.

Having been quite awhile since she had been able to settle in and actually sleep, Megan had tumbled in rather late and curled up in bed. Pulling the curtains around her bed and snuggling down into her covers, Megan shut herself off and started to sleep. For once, her complete exhaustion took over and within a few moments, she was out and quietly breathing in as she slept. As she drifted off, she was able to be at peace, if just for a short time. Unfortunately for Megan, sleep wasn't going to last, as it was that moment that Hallie decided to make an appearance. When Hallie's voice drifted into her sleeping mind, it was at first simply incorporated into her dream state and Megan didn't realize in the least that Hallie was actually there in her bed. It took another soft whisper for Megan to start rustling to a wakened state and her eyes began to flutter open slowly.

It took a moment for her eyes to focus and a few moments more for her to register that it was Hallie at the side of her bed. Not quite who she wanted to see in the middle of the night. Wrong sister. Groaning, Megan rustled up into a sitting position, not talking until she fully gained consciousness. "What the fuck?" she grumbled. Not the most eloquent greeting, but it was quite true to character for the young woman. There was no sappy greeting after not seeing Hallie for ages, no question as to whether she was alright, nothing but a grumbled curse. After all, Megan did deserve some sleep once in awhile and being disturbed just didn't fit into her schedule for the evening. Hallie was just lucky Megan wasn't going to go off on her like she would have on anyone else.

Adjusting herself once more to get slightly more comfortable, Megan's eyes trailed over Hallie's figure, subconsciously checking to make sure that she wasn't totally damaged from her experiences. Obviously, she'd had time to recover and Megan likely would never know the true extent of the injuries that Hallie had undergone. Probably good for Megan, given the circumstances. "It's fucking late, you know," she commented lazily, giving off the aura of nonchalance that typically pervaded her conversations. Acting like she didn't care made conversations such as this infinitely easier. Though, now that she thought about it, Megan wasn't even sure what Hallie was actually doing there in her bed. Hallie wasn't supposed to be there, was she?

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notes;; lovee
tags;; hallie
words;; 1072
lyrics;;

[hallie beatrix cauldwell]

I still believe in summer days.
The seasons always change,
And life will find a way.

Admittedly, Hallie kind of felt bad as she was shaking the sleeping girl awake. Merlin knew every normal person was tucked away in their canopy bed, under warm blankets. She chuckled silently at the image of a groggy Braden attempting to comprehend what Hallie had to say; actually, that conversation probably wouldn’t have happened, as the boy wouldn’t have woken up in the first place. She would talk to him eventually, but the girl had to focus on fixing things with one person at a time. I’m sorry. I know. Hallie realized that any normal person probably wouldn’t be coherent at two o’clock in the morning, and from the looks of it, Megan looked very tired. And so, she was going to offer to go away, and talk to Megan some other time, when she wasn’t so grouchy, but this was important to Hallie.

Instead of leaving the Slytherin dormitory, Hallie climbed onto the foot of Megan’s bed, and made herself cozy. She pulled her knees up to her chest, feeling the ghost pain of her still slightly bruised ribs, and rested her chin on them. Hey. Hallie wasn’t entire sure what she wanted to say. Obviously she wanted to apologize for her behavior before the kidnapping occurred, but it wasn’t like it was skin off Megan’s back. The two girls were inseparable, and there wasn’t really much that made the two girls so infuriated with each other. Nonetheless, Hallie was still a bitch to her best friend, and it deserved an apology. The brunette looked over at her friend, and a warm smile brightened up her face. Just being there with Megan made Hallie feel secure. Do remember the summer before my second year, when you and Peyton decided you wanted to go cliff driving, and of course I wanted to tag along? And I watched you guys do, and I became so insanely terrified, with my sudden phobia of heights. But then there you were, encouraging me to get over my fears. And I did. She smiled at the memory.

The only reason Hallie brought up the memory was because it was the first time Megan and Hallie really interacted. Sure, she knew Megan throughout the year from her sister, but Megan seemed to have spent an enormous time at the Cauldwell castle that summer. Hallie’s face scrunched up in a questioning look, as she remembered her mother jokingly stating that she adopted another daughter, and Megan replying that it wasn’t like she had anything to return home to. Although Hallie, or any of the other members of the Cauldwell family, didn’t question Megan’s remark, it left Hallie often wondering about the girl she called best friend. She only just found out recently that Megan’s father was heavenly involved with some serious business, and Hallie could only assume it was Death Squadron activity. It wasn’t like Hallie didn’t know what side Megan’s family associated with, but it never bothered the brunette. …Until now.

Shaking the thought out of her head, Hallie got to the point that she came here at two in the morning for. Hey, so I just wanted to apologize for acting in an immature fashion before. I know you were just trying to help me get over my breakup with Braden, and I was a bitch. Especially when you came to me to sort out your own feelings about a special someone. I wasn’t trying to intentionally push you away. I was just a stuck up little snob who thought the whole world was ending, when in reality, it was just one little thing that happened. I’m still me, I always was. She played with her toes, taking the time to crack each one of them, a bad habit she had. It was good for her to tell the truth; it made her feel more in power, like she was taking bad control of her life. Because Hallie Cauldwell most definitely did not want to let her life become ruined by a couple of misfortunate events.

The only sounds coming from the room were the light snores of the other girls in the room, and Hallie thought for a moment that Megan had gone back to sleep. She glanced up at the other girl, who was very much wide awake. I guess what confused me was why it took an event like that to wake me up to reality. Honestly, I think I overreacted…a lot. Hallie took careful note of her words, as it would essentially be the same thing she’d have to tell Braden at a later time. It wasn’t like she was purposely putting that conversation off, but she was a little hesitant about approaching him. They had such a horrible breakup, that Hallie wasn’t even sure if he’d listen to her, even after a month. Especially after what Ryan forced her to read on his messenger. Braden’s words still echoed around her head to this day: don’t give a fuck though. She shrugged off the thought as another invaded her mind.

Typically, Hallie didn’t really care about house or side affiliation, as she tried to be friendly with everyone. In fact, the only time she has a problem with someone is when they personally attack her. Even now, after the kidnapping was confirmed as activity of the Death Squadron, Hallie didn’t think they were bad people. Perhaps her father wanted those bastards all dead, but Hallie didn’t. She just saw it as another job, which people needed to live. However, there was one thing that was bugging Hallie, and as much as she just tried to let it go, she felt like she needed an answer. Subconsciously tracing the small DS on her wrist, Hallie honestly didn’t know what it would prove if she did what she was looking for. Would it matter? Would it change anything for her? Hallie didn’t believe it would, and for a moment, she hesitated asking. The whole point for the brunette to be here in Megan’s bed so early in the morning was for Hallie to apologize for her immature actions, not to inquire about information. Because if Hallie did get the answer, and it wasn’t what she was expecting, then wouldn’t it make her go back instead of move forward?

Deciding on a spilt second to just ask, Hallie took a deep breath before looking her friend in the eye. Megan…did you know…about the attacks? Almost immediately, Hallie wished she hadn’t ask. She didn’t want Megan to think that Hallie was blaming her for the attacks. That certainly wasn’t the case. Quite honestly, Hallie wasn’t even entirely sure herself why she wanted to know. Perhaps it was because she wanted to see if Megan had known, why hadn’t she tried to warn Hallie? Or maybe Megan was obligated under some weird Death Squadron oath to be a member first, and friendship with people outside of the group didn’t exist. Hallie remembered back to when she first woke up in St. Mungo’s. Her family, of course, were by her side, making sure she was okay; but Roxanne and Thayne also stuck around to ensure her good health. But her best friend? The one she shared her castle with almost every summer, the one she shared majority of her time with? Well she wasn’t there for Hallie.

Now thinking about it, Hallie often wondering why during her month of absence, Megan made no attempt to even come in contact with Hallie. Sure, her mother had warned them not to, as Hallie needed time to heal, but they weren’t much for following the rules. Or perhaps Megan did have something to do with the attack, and didn’t want the girl’s older sister to know. Whatever the case was, it was simply a question now, with no feelings attached. As far as Hallie was concern, the kidnap was in her past, and she was still breathing. You don’t have to answer. I was simply curious. She shifted on the bed, as she pondered one more time if the answer would matter. If it did, it would just be retracting on her steps towards putting these last two months behind her. And yet, Hallie was curious. If Peyton, Thayne, and Roxanne hadn’t rescued her on that fourth night of her captivity, what would have been the Death Squadron’s intentions with her?

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[megan lynn aldridge]

[/i][/right]

Obviously Hallie knew that it was an absolutely ridiculous hour, but that wasn't Megan's point. She was a tad more curious as to why Hallie thought it in any way necessary to come accost her in her bed at two in the morning. There were plenty of other times that would make a whole lot more sense to have tried to come talk to Megan. Not that Megan would have been particularly thrilled at any other hour either, if she was being completely honest. Facing Hallie wasn't something she was all too excited to get over with, since she couldn't say she was fond of having to more or less lie to the girl's face. Not telling her about everything, even if Hallie didn't ask, felt kind of like she was lying and though Megan didn't give a fuck most of the time, it was usually a bit different when it came to Hallie and the whole Cauldwell family in general.

However, Megan didn't protest when Hallie clambered up onto her bed to continue with whatever conversation it was that she had come there for. The least Hallie deserved was to at least let out whatever it was that she had to say before Megan blew her off with some vague comment about how she had to be somewhere or something. There was always somewhere else in the world that Megan could be and vacations always did her good. At least, until she came home and realized that things were just the same, if not worse, than they had been prior to her taking off. When Hallie simply said, "hey" Megan was pretty tempted to just prod the girl with her foot and kick her off the bed, since that was not the kind of conversation that anyone deserved to be woken up for. She held off for a moment, though, giving Hallie a few more seconds to gather any thoughts and actually say what she needed to say.

Raising an eyebrow as Hallie started to talk about some far off memory from a year long past, Megan didn't quite see the relevance. If Hallie wanted to just rehash old memories, that could have waited until a decent hour of the day. Besides, that wasn't at all how Megan remembered the situation. She did recall being there with Peyton that day, but to be completely honest she hardly remembered the fact that Hallie had been there too. "Ah, yeah. I remember jumping down with Peyton," Megan shrugged, leaving it at that. Probably best to just not let Hallie know that her memory of that day hardly included the younger girl. Why Megan didn't remember her being there, she didn't know, but it worried her slightly. You'd think that she would have at least remembered some of the things that she had told Hallie and not just the fact that she was vaguely there with she and Peyton.

That had been the summer that Megan had more or less moved in with the Cauldwell's, going home very rarely and only when her family deemed it absolutely necessary that she attend some sort of event for them. Since then, it had been much of the same, though Megan never went home anymore and spent slightly more time off at her own house in France by herself. "Was that some sort of important memory?" Megan asked, still not sure what Hallie's point was. Honestly, the girl talked too much and it drove Megan crazy. Megan was the type of person that preferred to get straight to the point and not waste time with all the extra, useless conversation. However, it was clearly something impossible with Hallie, especially since Megan often wondered if Hallie ever even knew what the point was herself.

Then, finally, better late than never, Hallie started to talk again, presumably getting to the thing that had brought her there in the first place. An apology. Honestly, Megan wasn't the type of person to dwell on things for too long, so she really didn't recall what, exactly, Hallie was apologizing for, nor did she really care. She wasn't losing any sleep over the matter before, so she didn't quite see why Hallie had to wake her up and offer apologies that she honestly couldn't care less about. However, when she came out with the phrase special someone the whole apology thing flew out the window and Megan was simply irritated. If that was what Hallie was here to talk about, than Megan honestly didn't want anything to do with it. The last thing that she wanted to do at the moment was talk about anything she may or may not have said to Hallie about any feelings that she may or may not have been deluded into thinking she had. Or you know, something like that.

Tilting her head off to the side for a moment, Megan simply shrugged in response to what Hallie had said. "Whatever, don't worry about it," she commented, rather harshly. Though she hadn't expressly mentioned her irritation in regard to Hallie's use of the phrase "special someone" it was fairly obvious that some part of what Hallie had said most definitely put Megan into a slightly worse mood than she was already. Though she didn't want to say anything more, Megan found it far too difficult to just not comment on certain things and the Peyton issue happened to be the one thing that she couldn't help but refute whenever it came up. "And there is no special someone," she added with a quick nod. By now, it was more like she was just going through the motions when it came to this sort of thing, since it appeared that no one else believed her when she said it.

At that point, Megan was fairly certain that the conversation was more or less over. Hallie had gotten her apology out, Megan hadn't cared and that should be the end of that. But it wasn't. Hallie took it to the one place that Megan had been more than just a tad adverse to going to- the Death Squadron. Technically, Megan couldn't really be considered at fault for anything that had happened to Hallie. She had known vague details about some sort of plot going on with the school, but aside from that Megan wasn't really too bothered to keep up with things. Though she supported the cause, she certainly wouldn't say that she was overly involved in the things that they did. She didn't attend meetings, she mostly only talked to Marcus when she was flirting with him and honestly, she didn't care enough to bother with it. But she felt responsible.

After a brief moment, Megan's eyes flicked up to Hallie, giving her a look that implied that it was a stupid question. The more Megan could avoid the subject, the better things were go and so she quite intended to feign stupidity and just act as if she didn't understand the subtle meanings behind what Hallie was getting at. After all, Megan was quite good at playing dumb. "Who the fuck doesn't know about them, Hallie? It's been all anyone has talked about in the past month," Megan replied, rolling her eyes a bit. The answer fit the question and kept Megan from having to talk about any sort of involvement that she may or may not have had with the entire job. It was rare that she and Hallie discussed matters such as that and Megan was glad of that, since they clearly didn't agree in any way on their political views.

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notes;;
tags;; hallie
words;; 1268
lyrics;;