Post by hallie beatrix cauldwell on Oct 5, 2011 18:13:31 GMT -5
Dear Diary
Well, I’ve spoken to every single person that I felt I owed an apology. The list, in order of who I approached: Gabby, Erinn, Braden, Thayne, Peyton, and Megan. I have to admit, saying what was on my mind wasn’t entirely too bad. In fact, most of them were understanding, and some, like Megan, just brushed it off like it was nothing. But I still can’t help but feeling that I owe so much more to Gabby, Erinn, and Shiloh. Gabby did tell me that if I said anything more about that night, she would hex me, and knowing her, I complied with her requests. I was amazed at how easily she could just brush it off, even when she badly tortured that night. But I guess in order to move on, you must completely forgive those who caused the situation.
I’d like to say that I’m good friends with everyone that I hurt, but then I’d be lying. Braden and I talked in a chat room the other day, and he said that ever thing was fine; that we were cool. I guess he wasn’t telling the truth because when I tried to message him a few days after, requesting to spend time with Ripper, Bray flat out told me that we would never be friends. I asked if I could accompany him on a hunting trip, and he said that we would never be close. I mean, I knew things would be awkward, but I didn’t exactly expect Braden to be that forward. I only asked to hang out, as friends. Do I know what my intentions were? No. Perhaps I did want to be friends again, only to see where things might lead for us. But I know, if it were to happen, that it’d be in the very, very far future. Okay, I get it. I hurt Braden, but I was hurt too. I now realize how idiotic I was, and how there was absolutely nothing to be ashamed of, but at the time, I was beyond depressed. Now thinking about it, Braden never asked me how I was feeling. He simply became upset because I refused to talk to him. I just needed a little time to sort everything out. I guess this is for the best though. I spent a month accepting myself, and while it hurt in the beginning, my heart eventually began to heal.
In all honesty, I could be a bitch about it. I mean, half of the stuff Ripper has is because of me. I paid for his toys, his food, his doctor visits, the whole nine yardss. The way I looked at it at the time, though, was that I was spending time with Bray before we went out. So technically, I could demand for all that stuff back. But I won’t. What’s a couple of hundred dollars here or there? Merlin knows my family has more money than they know what to do with it. And I don’t really think bitch works for me. I think I’m just upset about the fact that I helped raised this dog, and now I can’t even see him anymore.
On a happier note, Megan’s annual Halloween party is coming up, and I’m soooo ready to party. And ohmygosh, guess what!? I have some exciting news. So I personally never thought this would happen, but I’m kind of glad it did. I’m going to the party with…Alfie. That’s right, Alfie Chase and I are going to the party, together. I originally intended on asking Justin Davies, Gabby’s brother. So I signed onto the chat room, in an attempt to find her, and it somehow ended in, what I think, Alfie telling me he liked me. It caught me off guard, but in a good way. Thinking about it now, yeah, I have feelings for Alfie. Just for the record, before I say anything more, ironically, I did tell Alfie to wait a month before I would even consider him. It’s been a month and a couple of days. With that said, I think I’ve always liked Alfie. I mean, we’ve been friends for six years now. He knows me, and I love his fun, flirtatious personality. Alfie knows how to pick on me, but he can be nice also. When I was depressed, Alfie tried his best to cheer me up. And with him, I feel like I can just be myself. Like nothing’s forced, it all comes naturally. Perhaps that’s because we’ve been friends for forever, or maybe it’s something else. Whatever it is, I don’t know what Alfie wants to do, as we haven’t really spoken about it yet, but I can actually see us working. We’ll have to wait and see, so more on that later. And hopefully Megan and Peyton will approve of this one; because we all know how they felt about my last boyfriend.
Well I have to run to my class. Even good girls turned fun need to study. I guess I can never lose the Ravenclaw in me. But I do want to leave with a quote, from my favorite movie, The Lion King. “The past can hurt. But the way I see it, you can either run from it, or learn from it.”
---Hallie
