Post by ryderxashton on Oct 25, 2011 23:23:51 GMT -5
...turn around and make it alright
...turn around and change my own mind
Ryder Lynch quietly slipped out of the Great Hall after lunch with the excuse that she had homework to complete. Yesterday she claimed that she had to study for a test, and quite honestly, her friends were becoming suspicious. Ryder didn’t do school, and everyone knew that. So why did the bad girl turn into a nerd all of a sudden? She didn’t, but she was running out of excuses to tell her friends as to why she always skipped out on the last five minutes of lunch, or any meal period for that matter. She could only use the ‘I’m tired’ or ‘I have to pee’ excuse so many times. But Ryder had to get out of the Great Hall, and fast.
A familiar routine, Ryder checked the hallway before dashing to the moving stairs. She technically wasn’t supposed to be out during lunch hours, but thankfully there weren’t any professors or prefects around. As much as Ryder was a typically bitchy Slytherin, she didn’t like getting into trouble, and tried for the most part to stay out of it. If word of her wrongdoings reached her father, there was no telling what the beastly man would do. He once gave Ryder a black eye for lying about not cleaning her room. Understandable, if she hadn’t been five at the time. Regardless, since that incident, Ryder had always been extra careful as to what got back to her father. She loved to party, and was a bit of an attention whore at school, but when Ryder was at home, she slipped into a quiet mode. That way, she couldn’t say or do anything to anger her father.
A shudder passed through Ryder as she waited for the stairs to stop on the right platform. To say that her father was abusive would be an understatement. Aiden preferred to take his anger out on those he viewed as weaker than him, and with her mother wrapped around his finger, the man turned to Ryder. Always rebellious as a child, Ryder eventually learned to mask all of her feelings when she was at home, and let loose at school. It seemed to be working thus far, but her rebellious acts didn’t even remotely cover the pain Ryder was filled with. Subconsciously, the girl tugged her shirt sleeve down, a motion she did a few hundred times a day. Ryder Lynch definitely didn’t want anyone in school to know about her home life. Ever.
Without giving much through, Ryder allowed her body to go to the place she always went after a meal. Even though the bathroom was technically labeled as out of order, Ryder went there anyway. It was the only bathroom she could think of in the entire castle where she could be sure no one would walk in on her. And that was a major necessity, because Ryder didn’t want anyone to know. Quietly placing down her books and bag off to the side of the room, Ryder made her way over to the sinks and mirrors. She splashed some cold water on her face, willing herself to not partake in her typical actions. It was always the same for this girl. She promised herself that she would stop. She would stop tomorrow. No, she will stop next week. Okay, she definitely has to stop next month. But no matter how many times Ryder willed her body to keep the food in her stomach, she just couldn’t do it.
Feeling a wave of nausea, Ryder rushed over to the bathroom stall, stopping only momentarily to lock the door behind her. Standing over the toilet, she puked up her undigested food, wiping her mouth when finished. In order to get rid of the remains of her actions, Ryder flicked her wand, and watched the mess disappear. Sighing, the girl slumped to the floor, resting her head against the cool wall of the bathroom stall. Her food issues started when Aiden called the ten year Ryder fat, even though she only weighed ninety-five pounds at the time. Ryder looked to her mother for support, but the woman was drunk yet again. So the young girl searched for ways to lose weight, and stumbled upon bulimia. And thus started her fight with binge eating and purging.
As much as Ryder desperately wanted to get better, the eighty-seven pound girl just couldn’t get the help she needed to fight her monster. If she told her parents, that would be admitting she has a problem, more specifically, a problem with her home life; and quite honestly, who knew what Aiden would do to her if he found out. Ryder would much rather forget about her parents then deal with the issue. As for her food problem, she was kind of stuck in this life style. It was the only thing she knew, as she had been doing it for the last five years. There was only once, quite recently, that Ryder had managed to keep her dinner down for the entire night. But as a result, she felt insanely sick, and could barely move. Her body just didn’t know how to digest the food anymore. And while Ryder had to force herself to become sick in the beginning, the act was just so natural for her now. Ryder was stuck in a circle that appeared to have no end.
Lately, as a way to battle her lifestyle, Ryder had considered telling someone about her problem. She just couldn’t take the dizzy spells or feeling tired anymore. But who would she be able to tell without judgment? If she told any of her Slytherin friends, they’d probably tell her to fuck off and deal with it. If she told any other person that she sometimes privately spoke to, they’d probably try to get her help and fix her. Ryder didn’t want people to pay attention to her, at least not in that aspect. Then she considered going to the school nurses, because that’s what they were there for. But would it really be that easy? Just talking to someone and starting to eat, after five years of doing the exact opposite. Ryder stood by the mirrors yet again, looking at her sunken eyes, surrounded by dark bags, and weak smile. Whatever Ryder planned to do, she needed to do it fast. It was only a matter of time before someone found out about her bulimia, or uncovered more of her complex web of lies.
notes;; i should be writing a philosophy paper. opps.
tags;; open
words;; 1079
outfit;; here
lyrics;; back to december-taylor swift