Post by megan lynn aldridge on Apr 18, 2011 20:53:43 GMT -5
**JUST SO YOU KNOW...[/color][/blockquote]
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So, I guess I've kind of been gone for awhile. Two months, if you were curious. Anyways, yeah. I've been traveling around the world and stuff, which is pretty cool, I guess. Met a lot of cool people out there in the world, but for whatever reason, I feel like I haven't found what I'm looking for, you know? I get that all of you probably think that I'm not a deep person and that my life is all about sex and alcohol, but that's not entirely true. There's something missing and I intend to find whatever the hell that is. It's been years since I've really felt like I have everything that I want and someday, I'll figure it out. Whatever it is that I'm missing, it'll come. I mean, it has to be out there somewhere, right?
But, yanno, the thing is...sometimes I worry that, with all the time I spend looking for this unattainable something, I might have already missed it. What if that something is right there in front of me and all these years, I've just ignored it? I mean, maybe I'm getting a little to thoughtful on this, but it's really been bothering me lately. What if the thing that I'm looking for is here and I'm spending all my time out there, wasting my life away searching for something that I've always had? Not gunna lie, that would sort of fucking suck. So, if you're the thing I'm looking for, stop fucking with me and just...come out of hiding, kay thanks?
So, I guess you might be wondering what has me thinking about my life so much. Or, more likely, you're one of those people that thinks the worst of me and couldn't care less. In which case, I'd suggest you quit wasting your time reading this and go find something better to do. Otherwise, you're welcome to keep reading my random rants about...well, I don't even know anymore. Whatever. So, I guess there's a few reasons for the serious thoughts about my life. First and foremost, it's my seventh year at Hogwarts and within the next few months, I'll be gone. I know I don't spend much time there as it is, but it'll be different to the point that I don't even know what to do with myself. Technically, I could keep living the way I do. Merlin knows I don't actually have to work a day in my life, but is that what I want to do with myself? Maybe. A lifelong party doesn't sound all that bad.
However, perhaps that's not the best idea. Which leads to the other reason why I'm writing this. I guess, without my realizing it, I sort of almost died the other day. I was running, like I always do, and it ended up bad. Not running in the actual sense, but running in the metaphorical sense. There's this creeping thought that keeps taking over my mind and I wanted it gone. So, I left. Started drinking, partying, having sex, all the good things in life. But...it was still there? Then it just kind of kept getting worse and I guess I blacked out, overdosed, whatever you want to call it. And being that close to death, it's kind of weird. Makes you realize a lot of things, namely things that you really don't want to admit to. Just what those things were, I'd prefer to leave to myself for now. I still have a lot of thinking to do. A lot. But hey, if anyone knows a good way to figure out what the hell you want, share. 'cause I feel like I just don't know a damn thing anymore.
So, I guess this has kind of been a pretty depressing bit, but whatever. It's a journal and that's what they're for, so your fault for reading this far into it, I guess. So, I guess that's about all I had to say for now. Here's to hoping I find what I'm looking for and can get past the shit that's going on right now.
- Megan Aldridge
MOOD: Who knows anymore. STATUS:
[/color] OPEN to all you bitches. [/center]**COMMENT IT BITCHES:[/color][/blockquote][/font]
[center][size=3][b] ON: [color=488214] **JUST SO YOU KNOW[/color] [/b] [/size] [size=1][blockquote] [b]YOUR NAME[/b] wrote: [blockquote] youuur comments hrrr[/blockquote][/blockquote][/size][/center]